I’ve read books and articles on identifying and dealing with narcissists, but I’ve yet to come across anything on how to recognize if you are one yourself. And yes, I realize that a true narcissist would never admit to that label, but I hold onto hope that some of us might actually learn and grow enough to rid ourselves of this wretched creature that grows from our unchecked pride.

That’s all narcissism is. Blind, unchecked pride that has eroded away any sense of reality. It is born from an unholy marriage of shame and self-centeredness, but it is not incurable. What I do know is that only highlighting the symptoms does no good to redeem the afflicted. The focus must remain on being humble, loving, and everything the narcissist is not.

So, instead of only highlighting the characteristics of narcissism, I would also like to praise the qualities of the anti-narcissist. The anti-narcissist ultimately being Jesus. When we surrender ourselves to be like Him, narcissism itself will naturally erode away. Here are the qualities of the anti-narcissist.

1. You will never see a narcissist do anything for anyone unless he is benefited in some way. Narcissists help out expecting benefits or rewards. Anti-narcissists are self sacrificing to the point of it seeming crazy. They desire to see others thrive and prosper, sometimes even at their own expense. Anti-narcissists willingly disadvantage themselves in order to help those around them. Anti-narcissists are self sacrificial.

2. A narcissist is driven by the need to keep the focus on himself. He thrives off of attention and self glory. Anti-narcissists are truly interested in others and their story. They can listen to others talk and not feel the need to constantly talk about themselves or story top. They delight in the progress, success, and happiness of those around them.

3. A narcissist will never admit fault, always blaming others and playing the victim, or straight up denying any bad behavior. Anti-narcissists recognize and admit their mistakes and faults, and understand their own depravity. While Jesus never sinned and had nothing to repent for, He shows us what it means to be humble and how to live righteously. We will always have character flaws to work on, but the anti-narcissist is always willing to admit mistakes and repent of them.

4. Narcissists use other people to make themselves feel better. Anti-narcissists make other people better.

5. Narcissists can not maintain long-term relationships. They attempt to gain favor from people in high positions or make friends that create a sense of importance usually through flattery and manipulation, but those relationships never last long because of their toxic nature. Anti-narcissists have deep, rich relationships that are years old. They are faithful friends, therefore their friends are faithful to them. They truly care about their friend’s wellbeing, so they naturally maintain the relationships through interest, care, and quality time.

6. A narcissist is oblivious to what the people around him need, if he is causing distress or disruption, or he may simply not care. Entitlement is his calling card. Anti-narcissists are considerate of those around them. They take into account others and their needs and how they may be affecting them. They are aware of how other people experience them and strive to make them feel truly heard and seen.

7. A narcissist cannot help but attempt to force a curated image of himself into the minds of others, and must talk himself up. He always has a personal story, an example of his own virtuous character traits, or someone important that he may personally know. Anti-narcissists don’t feel the need to brag about themselves, and yet others typically do it for them. A humble person will rarely promote themselves, yet are often promoted by others.

8. The narcissist “loves” out of deficit. Being a very empty person, his primary motivation to fill this void is to suck the life out of other people. Usually by using them to fulfill his own needs, desires, and goals. Probably not intentionally trying to harm, yet needing validation and affirmation from somewhere, they will ultimately get their temporary fix from others, instead of the ultimate, unending, all satisfying source, that is Jesus. You will always come away drained after time spent with a person like this. The anti-narcissist loves out of overflow. A person filled with the Spirit of God, is so full of the life, love, and presence of God that he can’t help but shed that goodness all over everyone that he encounters. Already being satisfied by God Himself, he is free from the demands of human validation and acceptance. Being around this type of person, you will always feel more full and loved than you did before.

I believe that we all have some narcissistic tendencies within us. It’s called our sin nature. Our job is to examine the fruit of our lives and surrender everything that does not align with the Spirit of God. The fruit speaks for itself, and recognizing whether we are bearing fruit of the Spirit or fruit of our flesh is the greatest antidote to this disease called narcissism.

‭ “Don’t be selfish; don’t try to impress others. Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourselves. Don’t look out only for your own interests, but take an interest in others, too. You must have the same attitude that Christ Jesus had.”
‭‭Philippians‬ ‭2:3-5‬ ‭NLT‬‬

‘’Pride is the ruthless, sleepless, unsmiling concentration upon self, which is the mark of Hell.”
-C. S. Lewis

“Always be full of joy in the Lord. I say it again—rejoice!”
‭‭Philippians‬ ‭4:4‬ ‭

“For those who exalt themselves will be humbled, and those who humble themselves will be exalted.””
‭‭Luke‬ ‭14:11‬ ‭

-Jason